| I live in the land of flashy cars. In LA you are what you | | | | Although today's cars are available in colors running |
| drive - even if you're driving yourself into debt. | | | | the gamut from basic beige to outrageous orange, |
| If you buy a Bentley, a Ferrari, a Maserati or a Rolls | | | | there's one rule of thumb. White reflects heat, black |
| Royce you're buying an attention-getting car. If you buy | | | | attracts heat and red attracts police. |
| a BMW, a Jaguar or a Mercedes, you're buying an | | | | Huey is green and he's thirty-eight years old. In people |
| economy car. | | | | years that's about one hundred ninety. He's so old |
| I've seen all kinds of cars. I've seen one that looks like | | | | you'd think he'd qualify for handicap parking. |
| a hot dog and one that looks like a shoe. I've also seen | | | | He's so old you'd think he'd qualify for mandatory |
| a car that looks like a rooster - which proves not all | | | | smog checks - but he doesn't. In California cars aren't |
| cars are female. If they were, where would the new | | | | smog checked if they are over thirty years old. That's |
| models come from? | | | | like saying people shouldn't take driving tests if they |
| My car is male and his name is Huey. Yes, I named my | | | | are over eighty years old. That would be like driving in |
| car. There are times I spend more time with my car | | | | Florida! |
| than with my husband and I didn't want to be telling my | | | | From Florida to California all new cars look alike to me |
| problems to a stranger. | | | | - no fins, no portholes, no personality. Today's cars are |
| In fact, in LA we spend so much time in our cars they | | | | more plastic than metal. Because they're not built to |
| become our second homes. They have CD and DVD | | | | last, there's no time to bond with them - just time to |
| players, as well as phones. They have spilled drinks, | | | | Bondo. |
| leftover food and stained carpets. They also have | | | | New or old, high maintenance or hybrid, there are more |
| monthly payments. | | | | cars in LA every day. More cars means more traffic |
| Cars have come a long way since the Model T, which | | | | and more traffic means more accidents. However, if |
| had no optional extras, cost $825 and was available | | | | you live in LA there's something worse than that. Not |
| only in black. | | | | having a car in LA is a "cartastrophe"! |